Save the Drama for your Divorce Coach

You can ask any family law attorney in any state and they will probably agree on one thing regarding divorce: The judge doesn’t care a flying fig (fig?) about your personal drama. 
Unless you have gone through a divorce this might be surprising- and it certainly seems unfair. But the more you know about the reality of divorce, the more prepared you will be for the eye-opening process. A well known New York attorney eloquently explained to Business Insider, “You have a lot of people who have been keeping every love note and taking pictures on everyone’s phones of all these sexy texts, and thinking that this is going to be this whole big thing. They come into my office with all their proof of this affair, and they are like ‘Wait ’til the judge sees this!’ and I’m like, ‘Not only will the judge not see this, but if they did they wouldn’t even blink.”
Of course for the couple involved, it IS all about the details and pain that caused their relationship to deteriorate. But the judge and the court don’t care who cheated or lied and it’s best to understand THAT before you’re standing in a courtroom or even an attorney’s office. What the judge will care about is financials, documentation, and the legal details of your  union. Regarding custody, the court generally likes to stick to a very standard view of parenting time which varies for each state. Arizona is a “50/50” state which means the court prefers to grant equal parenting time to each parent. These parenting schedules can range from “week on/week off” to unique schedules that the parents create for the benefit of the family. Of course there are exceptions, and I am not an attorney, but just calling the other parent an alcoholic or claiming they won’t be a good influence is not enough for the court to change custody rights. It’s crucial to have detailed documentation if you plan to claim the other parent is unfit and an accredited family law attorney in your state can help you prepare for that type of fight. 
The bottomline is that the legal world, including your attorney, is trained to view your divorce as a legal process. They can provide legal advice and stamp the decree but they aren’t the right people to help you process your past and plan for your future. I’m sure your ex is everything you claim and even worse! But there is a place and time to provide those stories and there are people that will actually care to listen to you as a human — one is a therapist and another is a divorce coach. The legal process might not seem fair but we are on your side. 

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